LOVE is EVOL
Oh the surreality of love… makes me want to puke. But listen, hold on, I’m not against love! I just strongly oppose it. What everybody knows but goes around untold is the fact that love is a dog from hell. Yes, yes, there I said it and if you can’t handle it then chances are you love dogs! Get the logic?
What I don’t approve of is the unjustified love. And please don’t jump from your seat, raising your hand so high and holding your pants from falling with the other, looking so silly like a puppy dumped in the water, all that just to say, “What about the love between a mother and a child?” — because to that I’d say, “sit your a$$ down, silly hill billy! You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, boy!”
Of course I don’t mean motherly, sisterly, fatherly, brotherly or any relative-ly love! I meant the “love” love! The Romeo & Juliet love! The “oh-behave” love! Now, having said that, let’s move on to say that the reason why I oppose love is because it is insanely selfish. The only reason why anybody would want to be with anybody else is because they find certain traits in that other person that compliment or integrate well with their needs and requirements. Could be a list of things, from beauty, money, safety, or tradition; the purpose remains selfish, without consideration of the other person’s needs and requirements. Get the picture?
Love is your Photoshopped image of the person you’re in love with. You don’t see the oversized pores, the panda eyes, the nose hair, the mirky teeth, the dandruff, and the other facial sins. You don’t see the grizzly eating habit, the thick brain, the confusing sense of style, the smothering dependence, and the other characteristic offences. It’s exactly why a lot of marriages just don’t last; because people are loving each other for all the wrong reasons.
There is no such thing as inner beauty and physical beauty, because all are in the eyes of the beholder. The bottom line here is this: where are we going wrong with love?
See, what we do all the time is try to reflect the love we’re trying desperately to receive. Meaning when we think we love someone, for whatever reason that may be, we subconsciously mirror this feeling to the person we’re in love with in our attempt to make them “see” how much we love them. As natural a reaction as that may be, what we don’t know or maybe overlook is the fact that we’re trying to show the other person the list of reasons why we love them. And here goes the rephrasing: We go around telling people whom we love the reasons why we love them; reasons that they already know. Does anyone in their right state of sanity see what the problem is here? If you try to mirror your love, all you’ll get is love spelled backwards i.e. EVOL! Ever thought why “With time love becomes grey and faded” is a very correct statement? Because there’s a very thin line between that kind of love and a$$-kissing. If you’re a pretty girl with a kind heart, good luck with a guy constantly reminding you that you’re a pretty girl with a kind heart, whose beauty one day will fade away, and whose kind heart cannot sustain absolute forgiveness.
LOVE is a strong word. If you LOVE someone, love them for who they are NOT. If you’re a guy and Karma did not bestow the prettiest of its girls upon you, the hairy ape of a person, you might as well find the beauty that is lost in her. And if you decide, at the end, to stick around and love and care for her, then.. my friend.. you found “love”. Love is greater than appearances and style and money and being attractive. Phsyical attraction is a totally different culture altogether. But love… love is compatibility with someone on a much more elegant level of communication. Our main source of trouble is that we see. The blind, however, are in an eternal state of bliss because they came into this world without a mirror; their love cannot be mirrored nor reflected. Hence, open your eyes and your love will go blind. Shut your eyes and you shall see… with your love.
Leave a reply to Shmoo Cancel reply
Aliens
S i l e n t M i n s t r e l 
That was beautifully written. I still think that having some sort of expectations or demanding certain qualities (and in this sense being selfish) is okay if it isn’t the only factor in maintaining the relationship. When two people are compatible with each other in lifestyle and mentality things are aligned and it becomes easier to love them for what they are not. How can you love someone for what they are not if they do not resonate with your essence and being first?
For instance a woman or a man could admire and respect someone for his ethics and his good deeds which paves the way to foster feelings. But then again there are many people out there that she or he could respect and admire but because they somehow resonate in the same level of SOMETHING – be it mental compatibility, or even in the most bizarre weird shallow cases (physical attraction) or lifestyle it becomes easier for grow deeper feelings and at some point you begin to love that person for what they are NOT and not only for what they are already. Don’t you agree?
And thank you for asking!
There’s no problem in having some sort of expectation from the person you are ready to love but have not loved yet. And like you rightly said, as long as these expectations are not the sole reason why you’re in a relationship, then it’s fine.
I understand your point fully, Miss Good Egg, and it is really a good one! But please allow me to say that our personalities are as different and complex in nature as the seemingly random “teeth” of keys. See, if a key had no teeth and is inserted into a key-hole that is, likewise, teeth-less, then ‘any’ teeth-less key would fit. No standards. And we don’t want that.
But ‘teeth’ are there to correspond to our different requirements and expectations of the receiving party. Two peaks can neither coexist nor match between a key and the key-hole. The peaks of the teeth in a key must be compatible with the ‘troughs’ in a key-hole, and vice versa. This is to say that what ‘you are’ should compliment and integrate with what someone else ‘is not’, in order to achieve compatibility. Hence, compatibility, per se, does not necessarily mean ‘like-minded’; I believe compatibility also means Synergy, where each person is “independent” of the other yet is capable of co-establishing the foundation of a relationship.
Therefore, the ‘resonance’ you spoke of is quite the word to describe the peaks & troughs of a personality. The resonance i.e teeth of my personality are compatible with yours, and for that we get that feeling that this guy or that girl stand out from the crowd in our view. Having said that, and to re-state what the misconception is, some ‘resonance’ is nothing more than pure admiration, like you rightly mentioned. Admiration, like a teeth-less key, can be given to anyone. But it does not mean you want to be like them or, muss less, be with them! Admiration is specific, Compatibility is general.
Getting the vibe from someone will definitely make the soil good enough to plant. It’ll be your automatic launch-pad, if you will. And yes it will make it easier to grow feelings for them. But my main concern, dear Miss Good Egg, is whether we can know for sure that a peak in our requirements can sufficiently cover the trough for the other person’s requirements, or the other way around. Just because we admire each other on a certain level or that our resonance match on most levels of our personalities, does that make it safe for us to get hooked?
The purest form of selflessness is when you admire someone so much and know full well that you are compatible with them, but you abstain from telling them so because you “know” that your peaks cannot cover their troughs. And you let go to give them a chance that is better than yourself. And that… is “love”.
I’m getting the feeling we’re talking about the same coin, only two different sides of it. But I totally agree with your logic and analysis of my post!
lol I think you just solved an enigma that people have been striving to make sense of for centuries now Shmoo 😛 I agree with the selfless love you speak of but now I’m curious, how do you really know for sure whether your peaks cannot cover someone’s troughs?
Hahaha 🙂 Not sure if people were striving to make sense of that enigma, but I know I was!!! lol!
See, Miss Good Egg, the answer to your question is this: It is 10% facts and 90% judgment. You can never be sure 100%, but you may call it a gut feeling.
The 10% facts that you know about the other person come from interacting with them in various situations; in all mood cycles. They say the first 5 minutes of meeting someone are often enough to know whether they’re ‘your type’ or not (though it is a very tricky statement and does not work in most cases). But let’s go along with it for the sake of discussion.
The 10% simple facts about someone only tell you whether you should bother yourself to discover the 90% judgment. And if he’s smart, good-looking, articulate, honest, and funny, you ‘know’ you want to go the 90% 🙂
BUT!
Ahaaa! This is where “fools rush in” is also another very true statement. Everybody thinks the 10% facts are sufficient to make the call. Like I just mentioned, the 10% ONLY tell you whether you should bother with the 90%; it does NOT mean you should tie the knot. So here’s the other part: what is the 90% judgment comprised of (from my point of view at least)?
The judgments that you have to make are based on several ‘what if’ scenarios that you have to scheme. They’re the issues that may make you squint just thinking about them. What’s his (or her) take on family? What are his social & religious beliefs? What’s his take on responsibility? Chores? What’s his idea about financial management? Is he a risk taker? What was his childhood like? What’s his opinion about having female friends? What’s his opinion about you having male friends? And the list goes on and on and on…
The 90% are mostly the facts you’ll discover later on in a relationship, be it marriage or otherwise. Risk Management 101 may tell you that the more you know about a risk you are willing to undertake, the less the probability is of having a loss. Which is why it is highly recommended to have some buffer time prior to marriage for two people to know each other more (i.e going the 90%). Therefore, to me, we greatly underestimate love by saying that if you feel comfortable towards someone then cupid is around. Silly Cupid, tricks are for kids!
Scientifically speaking, the peaks and troughs can be calculated based on the 10%/90% rule. Say if a girl does not wear hijab and — as it turns out — the guy she likes wants his girl to wear ‘abaya’ .. that is an in-your-face mismatch. But, say the girl wants to have 2 kids (max) and wants to go after her Ph,D. The guy, on the other hand, wants to have 5 kids (min) and thinks his woman should stop at having a Bachelor’s only. See? The girl’s peak does not cover the guy’s trough, and the opposite is also true.
Say, for example, the guy scores average on the socioeconomic ladder in the society, but the girl comes from a family who basically owns the ladder. The guy’s trough, in this case, is overshadowed and overcome by the girl’s peak. Though financial issues are “sometimes” not an issue when “love” is present, but let’s not forget that the only constant truth in the universe is “change”… and everything is subject to change.
… I think I should write a book!
looooooooool @ last sentence.
Everything you said in your comment is very logical makes perfect sense and YES I THINK YOU SHOULD 😀
THANK YOU, my sole contributor 😉